Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Feelings and Thoughts and Stuff

I think Wednesdays are officially my day to post updates on here- I like the idea of writing something every week so I'm going to try to commit to it. Originally I planned on keeping a journal while abroad but fun fact: I never learned to hold a pen properly and so I can only write for so long before my hand starts to cramp up and hurt too much to write more than a few pages. Technically I've been keeping a journal of sorts since I write letters pretty often, mostly to Beatrice (HI I MISS YOU). I  guess I could write on my laptop instead but basically I always forget to bring it with me/ don't think to write down my thoughts on a Google Doc before heading to bed. 

This past weekend was a lot of fun since Julia came to visit from Paris! We went sightseeing, museum-ing, and did a lot of eating with Emily. I'm really thankful to have so many Kappas here in London with me, it's made a world of a difference. It's no that I don't like to meet new people, I love making new friends but I know I tend to get weird about it. I've had the same best friend since preschool (Hi Clare)- I'm most comfortable with friends who have known me for years and years and also newer friends who one way or another have learned almost everything about me by now. I've always been super uneasy about being boxed into a category and so I don't like how when you meet someone new, there's so much they still don't know about you. I don't know how to explain that the nights I sleep before midnight are a big deal for me because I've had terrible insomnia for as long as I can remember, to the point of having to take prescription medication to even try to sleep for a few hours at night and I'm really trying to not have to depend on pills to sleep. That I'm hesitant about going out because right now, I don't look the way I want to, but a little while back I did, and I'm trying to get back to that. That I still think of myself as a runner even though I'm not the girl who could run 5 miles for fun and 10 miles just to relieve some stress anymore- I actually get really offended if anyone even remotely implies that I'm not active even though in reality, I haven't been as active as I once was (gah that phrase makes me cringe) (I feel old). I'm a different person in my mind and I forget that the Irene people are meeting doesn't always come off as that person. It's logical but still a strange concept for me. 

The most frustrating thing here has been spraining my ankle because 1) I can't work out and 2) it made me less independent for a little bit. I'm terrified of being a burden to people and go out of my way not to ask for help if possible, which is definitely not a great attitude to have (I'm working on it). So it was hard to be struggling to walk and get the things I need and it was also hard to try and still make the most of my time here because when you're abroad, there's definitely this HUGE pressure to be doing something/seeing something every second. On the bright side, my ankle's mostly healed, aka I can sign up for a gym and I guess it worked out because now any monthly contract I sign up for will end closer to when I actually leave London. And I can also explore without being paranoid that my ankle is going to give out (again). 

This has been more of a personal update so I'll write a second one with more about London and what I've been seeing (and eating). It's definitely been a nice week, despite how negative most of this post has been (sorry!!)- there'll be cute pictures, I promise.

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