Sunday, May 3, 2015

The 8 Stages of realizing you have finals


Stage 1: Shock

Oh crap, finals are this week. Shit. I haven't done any readings this semester. Wait no, I did a couple in the beginning of the semester. Totally. Alright, so finals. They're happening. Shit.


Stage 2: Confusion

Which days are my finals?? Why don't I know this? Did I even ever get a syllabus for Classical Mythology? Wait, why did I even take Classical Mythology?? The professor said we're going to have to fill out a map of ancient Greece, right? Wait, do we have a final exam for Legal Fictions or is it just a paper?


Stage 3: Anger

WHY DID I FORGET ABOUT FINALS??? WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE FINALS?? TO TEST WHAT I'VE LEARNED??? I'VE LEARNED NOTHING THIS SEMESTER!!! NOTHING!!! wait why did I learn nothing...I PAY TOO MUCH TO NOT LEARN ANYTHING. WHY DIDN'T I DO MY READINGS??? NOW I HAVE TO FINISH A SEMESTER'S WORTH OF READINGS IN LIKE THREE DAYS WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF OMG



Stage 4: Lying to Yourself

Wait no, it's not my fault. And finals won't be that bad, I'm going to make it though this. Yeah, I got this. I know most Greek myths, Classical Mythology is going to be a piece of cake. And it's not like the Science of Happiness final is going to be hard. I don't even need to study- I should treat myself, in fact, for stressing myself out for no reason!!


Stage 5: Bargaining (with a higher being)

Dear God, I promise to be a better person if I pass my finals. I will stop stealing silverware from dining halls and I will stop drinking underage even though wine is the only thing keeping me calm right now okay wait I take back the not drinking underage part but seriously!! I will be nicer to strangers and I will try to hold the elevator for people. I will share my food with friends and jUST PLEASE HELP ME PASS MY FINALS.



Stage 6: Panic

IM GOING TO FAIL ALL MY FINALS IM GOING TO FAIL OUT OF COLLEGE MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME IM GOING TO END UP ON THE STREETS OKAY NOT THE STREETS BUT IM GOING TO END UP WITH A LOW INCOME JOB AND NO HEALTH INSURANCE IM GOING TO END UP BEING LOWER MIDDLE CLASS MY DREAMS OF BEING A HIGH CLASS BOUGIE BITCH WILL NEVER BE REALIZED I AM A FAILURE IM NEVER GOING TO MAKE ANYTHING OF MYSELF NOW


Stage 7: Acceptance 

Okay, okay. Panicking isn't going to solve anything. Finals are going to happen even if I'm not ready for them. I can still start studying, I still have some time. I'm going to try my best and that's what counts at this point.



Stage 8: Figure out How to Escape 

FORGET IT I'M OUT OF HERE



(The End)

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